Faith the size of Six Boxes

Do you need to have things planned out? Or are you a go with the flow, a Que sera sera kind of person?

I personally like to plan. I like knowing the major happenings of the the coming year, and the general plans of the next five. I don't usually fall apart if my plans don't work out, but I do like having a general goal to work towards.

Nearly all of my future goals depend totally on the sale of our home and subsequent moving to Kentucky.

I have waffled back and forth between total excitement about the process and complete disappointment and hopelessness.

When my plans aren't working out like I hoped,  I spend my time trying to understand why. Why is my home not sold yet? What is the lesson? What do I need to do, or not need to do for God to answer my prayer?

Do you ever think like that? Like God's is basing everything He does in your life on you.

For instance, some days I think I'm in this single parenting role to help foster my relationship with my girls. Like, if I don't yell or if I spend extra face to face time with them then I'm one day closer to my goal of being in Kentucky. On the flip side, if I lose it or stick in one too many videos that day then that sets me back a whole week!

Or maybe there is a character trait that I'm supposed to be working on (like patience, *barf*) and once I get a handle on it, then God will allow my home to sell.

Or is it that I don't have enough faith. If I have faith that my house is going to sell then it will.

Or is it that none of it matters and God will do His thing and I need to just do my best to do my best?

Here's the deal. I don't know if God works like that. I know that it is my job to be the best mom I can be AT ALL TIMES. Not just because I want God to bless me with something.

I know that patience is a trait I have never been able to get a grasp on, and wish I did because it would make life so much easier. But does God withhold blessings until we learn our lesson?

I also know that I have faith that God can sell my house tomorrow. I'm just not sure if that is what He wants to do.

I have so much faith that I refuse to buy anymore butter or jelly or freezer food because I don't want to waste it when we leave. I also am buying the small package of toilet paper! That seemed like a big step to me, I'm not exactly sure why...

Anyway, I'll just keep working on my relationship with my girls, keep working on patience, keep working on my faith, and see what He has planned for this brood of Lusks.

Speaking of faith, what better way to prove I have faith than to pack a box...or six!