The Lusk Clan

The Lusk Clan

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Melt Down

I had to say sorry yesterday. 

It was a bad day. We had had our third showing to potential buyers two days before and had heard nothing back at all. With every hour that passed I knew they had gone another way, but continued to hold out hope that just maybe I was wrong and we were the house they wanted. 

I tried getting the girls ready to go to the gym, but they continued fighting me with one reason or another. They usually wake up asking to go somewhere, anywhere at all. So I quit pushing and tried to be present. We started a puzzle with more pieces than Magpie has ever tried and gave El something to keep her busy. 

Mag did a great job. She got really into it and found pieces left and right. 

She also got a bit cranky if I found a piece she was working on. 

Then she got a little more into it and crawled on the table. Thinking it was cute how focused she was I allowed it, never seeing the potential train wreck that could and would ensue. 

Meanwhile, Ellie has discovered how to untwist the kids to her cups and had emptied her second cup of the day all over herself and my living room rug. 

When I cleaned that up I returned to the puzzle and seconds later my favorite fruit bowl was in pieces all over the kitchen floor. A victim to a three year olds wayward leg. Mag had finished the puzzle by the time the shattered bowl was cleaned up. 

Meanwhile, Ellie had taken every book off the shelf in order to find the potty book she has loved. Then I got the official word that the couple had made an offer on another house. 

That is when I lost it. I felt totally overwhelmed and had a temper tantrum that rivals my girls fits put together. I had zero patience and totally forgot about my goal to build my kids up. Or be a good example to them. I failed. Miserably. 

My little problem with an unsold house, messy kids and no desire to grow my patience suddenly was more important than my relationship with my girls, their self esteem, or building respect between us. After I hurriedly fed them lunch and put them to bed I finally stopped to listen to that convicting voice of the holy spirt reminding me my priorities. 

So, I apologized. I told my girls I was sorry for my attitude and that I was mean. I told them sorry I didn't play with them and that I yelled. I asked forgiveness and a chance to start fresh after nap time. And Maggie replied, "I'll be good when I wake up." 

Ugh. Worst mom ever. She saw it as her fault when I wasn't able to hold it together and be the mom she needed, the mom she deserves. Shame on me.God  has entrusted these girls to me. Blessings that He gave me and no one else. 

I'm allowed to be sad, and mad, and frustrated. But not at the cost of my girls. I have a responsibility to them, and most days it is my joy. Then there are days like yesterday. My reading tonight reminds me yet again of the challenge I have been given.

        Philippians 3:16 

              Only let us live up to what we have already attained. 

 I learned a lesson. Even if I am the mom, saying sorry and fresh starts are essential parts to healthy relationships, even with a 3 and 1 year old.  

Have you ever needed to apologize to your children? Did you? 

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